Divine Love. Excerpt from chronological account
Summer 1979
THE EXPERIENCE OF DIVINE LOVE AND COMPASSION
I had never heard of this experience in 1979,– only the expression Love and Compassion, mentioned by two foreign youths who helped us with work on our small goat farm the summer 78. But it is central to the Game of the Duel between God and Satan, -and is given by God to the candidate who is to win to become the spokesman for either God or Satan. The duel has three rounds. For this contribution, God has always had the 3rd round in all the duels that have occurred at the turn of every 2000 years, backwards in the past. And Satan always the first two.
God is fair, so he gives Satan an equal chance to take his followers when the time comes. Of course, I knew nothing about this setting when in 1979, at the age of 33, I read about a woman in this country who had had a particularly good spiritual love experience, which I believed came from God. (That is why I have taken up text from the chronological account and inserted it into the Game of the Duel between God and Satan, The God of Wrath, as I received it communicated at the end of 2023. And then, what I had said suddenly took on a concrete meaning, and was not just a random thought, as I thought at the time):
“I decided to try to get the same thing. I thought that if there was a God, it must be possible to achieve contact without any intermediary from religious communities. I also wanted to test the biblical statement: “Ask, and you will receive, etc.” To steer clear of everything that had to do with religion, I wanted to address God directly. And here you have it verbatim what I said with my mouth — because I wanted to hear it myself anyway: “Dear God,” but then the thought came: “and Jesus, if necessary” — so I said it too — “I would like to experience divine love, like this woman I read about.” I was unsure of what was necessary, so I added to the next thought I had (from Satan): “I will become a Christian, if I get love first”. Because I had heard that it gave an extraordinarily good feeling. I took all this with me, because I knew that I would do this only once, and never again. If I were to do this today, I would not bring anything from religion, but in short, I would just say that I wanted the experience of Divine Love and Compassion.
If there was to be a positive answer, I expected to get it right away, but it did not come. Afterwards I had no expectations of anything, and just wanted to put it behind me. But now I felt a little anxious that lasted all day and into the next. And that was new to me. In the afternoon I went into the barn to look at the rabbits that our children had. I felt a little sorry for them because I had not yet arranged a place for them outside in the summer sun. As I looked at them, this happened:
The Experience of Divine Love and Compassion
My heart, my entire chest, my body were filled with a Love, Compassion and Joy, so good that it is indescribable. Along with this, I had an “inner” vision of being bathed in a pale golden light.
The experience lasted about 15 – 20 seconds before it slowly disappeared — while I tried to hold on to it to make it last longer.
The love and compassion felt very clearly coming from myself. I had neither thought about nor asked for the compassion. It also had its center in my heart. I was so happy that it was really possible to experience this, because in reality I had almost no expectations of anything at all. I just wanted to find out if it was possible or not. When you have this experience, you know that Divine Love and Compassion are unconditional.
This experience sweeps away all notions of both doom and evil spirits, if one had them. There is no place for such in this love. It also gave me unlimited confidence in what might happen later. I also realized that most things are possible. From now on, the promise to become a Christian became both unnecessary and an impossibility. But because I had promised it, I told no one about the experience. It might perhaps be taken as income for the religion. But what I had now entered into, I could never have imagined…
The Effect of the Experience. In the years that followed, I lived without any fear or anxiety about life after death, even though I did not know where it would be. I was never required to worship, give thanks, or pray. But I did give thanks occasionally when I thought back on this unimaginably good experience I had. It was inevitable that I would sometimes wonder if this was the experience that Jesus and others in the East had had. I couldn’t imagine anything higher than what I had received.
(When I found out about the Duel in 2023, and that I had been a candidate in it, I realized that no one else but those who have been candidates at every turn of the millennium going back in time have had this experience).
GOD IN CONTRAST TO “SATAN, THE GOD OF WRATH”
The meeting with “Satan, the God of Wrath.” 2012 was the year when I first told about the indescribable experience I had in 1979. Then the starting signal went for what I first called “The Program,” because I was aware that it was very similar to what Jesus had received in his time. But the right thing was the Duel. For now, I will skip Round 1 with Satan and partly Round 2. But for the sake of the ugly contrast between God and “Satan,” I will include “Meeting with Satan, the God of Wrath,” as it would have been, if it had not been a game, but if he had existed.
Round 2 of the Duel. 20116
Led away from God by Satan, the God of Wrath
From childhood, John 3.16, “for God so loved the world,” etc.… had given an association to Jesus, without any special event having been connected to it. But it happened a couple of times that I woke up in the middle of the night, lay down for a while – and then looked at the digital clock with red numbers. — 3.16 it showed. Funny, but a coincidence, I thought. About three months later it happened again. Coincidence, I thought again. But at the same time I thought it was a bit strange, somewhat disturbing.
Internet program on. Unconditional love. After the unimaginable experience in 1979 I never needed any kind of human therapy for anything, and not now while this was happening. But I was curious about what other people had had of spiritual experiences. So when I found a program on the Internet about unconditional love, and that could eliminate things I had said or done to others, but never had the opportunity to regret, or apologize for, I tried it. The theme came as a sentence written on a light gray background in my field of vision, — wide awake with my eyes closed. A few letters in the middle formed words that gave a hint about the current event. The rest became scribbles towards the ends. One day it was empty, nothing on the gray “board”. Unaware of what was to happen that night, I went to bed.
“The Meeting” with Satan, the “God of Wrath” of religions
I dreamed that I came into the kitchen and discovered to my horror that three enormous large, live fish were writhing on the floor: a catfish, a tusk and a ling. I was in panic as to get them hidden and away. When I turned around, I saw the catfish had climbed up the wall and was on its way out of the window that was horizontally open. I had to get it — get it in, so that no one would discover this terrible incident. I got hold of the skin of the neck, which felt dry, carried it out to the bathroom and laid it with its head over the drain, — found a stick and hit it on the head. Immediately blood began to trickle straight out of the skin all over its head and trickled down into the gutter. Finally I heard only breathing sounds, as if from an open pipe — and now the dream ended abruptly!
It was as if a hatch in hell had been blown open by a fiery-colored storm of terrifying devilry — which hit me in the head, rushed through my body with a loud roar of wind that disappeared in a whoosh — and I lay there in shock, terrified, stunned! My God, I said quietly. I lay there for a while to get back to my senses, and then looked at the clock: And there, in red numbers, 3.16 shone towards me. Then it dawned on me that now I was going to be forced — to become a Christian, as I had promised. It was awful — despairing… What I had considered impossible after 1979, I was now forced to do…
If I had experienced this as the person I was before the Experience in 1979, and had just had this without any reason, I would probably have been so terrified of having such a visit again that I would have lost my mind, been in a panicky fear of dying, – for the rest of my life. But here it was that the Experience of Divine Love and Compassion became an anchor that saved me.
Now followed a persistent demand to go to a priest and become a Christian, as I had promised. Mocking and mocking dreams at night because I refused. The last dream became so frightening that I no longer dared to refuse, but decided to get it done. It was a humiliation so enormous that it is difficult to describe. …To be continued